


Haven't got Three Legs to Stand On, And One of them is Hollow

by AnonEhouse



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cap-IronMan Tiny Reverse Bang, Crack Treated Seriously, Drunken Shenanigans, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor, M/M, Mead, Picnics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 13:54:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4351409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Tony and Steve are bound together, by mead, and a three-legged race.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haven't got Three Legs to Stand On, And One of them is Hollow

**Author's Note:**

> A fill for the Cap/Iron Man Tiny RBB third prompt CODE NAME: CLASSIC
> 
> http://capim-tinybang.tumblr.com/post/123800118081/title-run-baby-run-artist-ssyn3-rating-none

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

"You have short legs," Steve said. "Look where your crotch is...waay down there."

"That? That is what you take from this?" Tony said, as he reached around to get a tighter grip on Steve's waist. The three-legged race had been Bruce's idea. It had been fun the first time, but it was wearing a little thin, now. "You're a fine one to talk about human proportions, Captain Dorito."

Steve giggled. "I looooove Doritos. I love you too, Tony!"

Tony rolled his eyes. "And you loved Thor's mead, too."

"It was tasty," Steve acknowledged. "We should have the Stark Industries Ave-ave-*hic*-Avengers Picnic and Iron Man Triathalon EVERY YEAR!" Steve shouted, waving his hands and nearly knocking Tony over. "LOOK! There's a butterfly!" Steve wrapped his arm around Tony and started galumphing off over Sheep Meadow, carrying Tony easily along with him. Tourists were taking their photos.

"Wait, wait, stop!" Tony yelled as people and trees went by him in a blur.

"Ok," Steve said, slamming on the brakes, so Tony was flung forward against Steve's arm and had the breath knocked out of him. "Tony? Tony, you're a funny color." He poked Tony in the belly. "Are you hungry?"

"No! No, wait, yes, I'm starving. I need some of that potato salad Natasha brought. Gotta have my carbs."

Steve frowned, a tense little wrinkle forming between his brows. "It's got PEAS in it."

"Um, yeah, Russian recipe. Potatoes, carrots, peas, eggs, and pickles."

"That's not potato salad." Steve sniffled and looked sad. "Real potato salad has leeks and cabbage!"

"Sounds delicious. Fine, how about a cheeseburger? Clint's on the grill."

Steve brightened. "I like cheeseburgers." He turned and reversed their path. "Pickles are good on cheeseburgers. Not in potato salad."

"Uh huh," Tony replied, and braced himself for another sliding stop when they reached the grill.

"Two cheeseburgers, Clint!" Steve demanded. "Tony likes ketchup and sweet pickles on his. He's got a sweet tooth." Steve smiled broadly, showing a lot of shining white teeth, and an unfortunate bit of corn left over from the corn on the cob eating contest.

"I'd noticed!" Clint replied cheerfully as he prepared two burgers, one human-sized, one Steve-sized. "What do you want to drink with it?"

"MEAD!" Steve shouted gleefully.

"NOOOO!" Tony yelled and tried to dig his heels in as Steve abandoned the burgers and bounded over to Thor's table set up with assorted beverages. "It doesn't go with cheeseburgers!"

"No?" Steve stopped and looked at Tony. "But I'm thirsty!"

"Thor can make you a chocolate egg cream! A real one! With Fox's U-Bet syrup!" Tony said desperately. He'd been tied as a human leash to untrained puppy America for half an hour and the thought of starting the sobering up process all over again was exhausting.

"CHOCOLATE EGG CREAM, THOR!" Steve demanded. "With two straws! That's more romantic," he confided to Thor.

"I shall take note of that, Captain!" Thor handled the soda siphon, milk and syrup with the panache of a quick learner, albeit one who still didn't understand Midgardian serving sizes. He deposited two gaily striped paper straws into the quart milkshake maker container and handed it to Steve.

"Thanks, Thor!" Steve galumphed back to the burgers.

"Could we sit down to eat?" Tony asked.

"YES!" Steve flopped down in the grass, which was fortunately thick and burr-free. Tony of course fell with him. Super soldier reflexes kept the food and drink intact. Steve took a big bite out of his burger and grinned at Tony. "This is a great date, Tony." He snuggled against Tony, and offered him the egg cream.

Tony slurped some egg cream, and reached over to stroke Steve's arm. "Yeah. Yeah, it is."


End file.
